Recently, we’ve had a couple of readers ask questions about babies and separation anxiety. In this post, we’ll share the basics about separation anxiety and next time, we’ll offer tips to help you deal with those inevitable separations, including traveling away from your baby.
The Basics
By the time infants are about 6 to 8 months of age, they start to have a much tougher time when their parents leave them.
The Theories
There are a lot of theories about why babies develop separation anxiety. Some researchers think it is a natural response to the biological need for babies to stay near caregivers, especially as they gain the ability to move away from them by crawling, walking, or running. Other researchers think that babies become afraid when they can’t explain why someone who is usually close to them is not there or when they can't predict when their parents are coming back. Others believe it is a physical reaction to the potential removal of the things that make parenting so calming for the infant (like touch, warmth, and food). Still others see the baby’s reaction to separation as a confirmation of different types of parent-baby attachment.
Differences in Babies’ Reactions
For most parents, why a child becomes anxious when they leave is less important than what to do about it. Unfortunately, nearly all parents must face their babies’ anxiety at some point, especially in families with parents who must return to work or school. Some babies react in extreme ways to separation, while others don’t seem to mind very much. How much babies fuss and cry depends a lot on their temperament and also on their earlier experiences with separation. Understanding that babies' anxiety when parents leave is a natural part of being human can help the caregiver who remains with the baby to feel a little more confident and in control. Clearly, the anxious baby needs comfort. Calm understanding and repetition can go a long way to easing the worst of the fears. A consistent caring response will help the baby learn that he will be quite safe until mom or dad comes back.