Hi, I've been struggling with my marriage for quite some time now and this year I've just hit rock bottom with it. We have been together for 5 years and got married 3 years ago. We have an awesome 2 year old daughter and another due in a few weeks which I'll get onto.
So, where to start. I met my wife on a dating site and we hit it off immediately.
We had both not long got out of bad relationships so were quite cautious to begin with but that caution didn't last. Within 8 months we were engaged and married a year or so later. Looking back now I can't help but feel this was foolish, I felt kinda uncomfortable back then for some reason but thought it was just nerves.She is quite close to her family, her parents and brothers/sisters all live within 5 miles. It's a close group. My family all live at least 3 hours drive away, so quite a difference. Visiting my family has always been difficult, it wasn't helped by my parents having an argument in front of us once which my wife told the whole world about. I almost feel guilty making her come with me to see them and I always feel guilty leaving her so I just don't see them much. In all honesty, the argument whilst public was healthy - I always feel sometimes you just have to resolve issues.
I don't really see my friends any more either. My work friends drifted away and looking back now I remember feeling they were a bad influence on me but thinking about it that was her assessment. My friends are her friends and i don't feel comfortable around them after she told a really really embarrassing story about me to them.
I want to move to a nicer/bigger house but she won't entertain the idea. She just says that she doesn't like the house or her mum (who's our childminder) wouldn't pick our daughter up from that school - when she goes in 3 years. The only houses she likes are the ones closer to her parents. I'm not kidding when I say she liked one about 500 yards from their house. Personally, I'd like to move - it's exciting to experience new things, meet new people.
Our sex life has always been on her terms. I seem to have to beg sometimes. Apparently women just have lower sex drives. I know kids get in the way but for around a year we just didn't have sex. Even pre-children sex was awkward. Everything was so orderly, in the morning on a weekend day only. Sometimes I'd just wrap my arms round her in the kitchen and kiss her neck, stroke her hair, run my hands over her body only to be told "how about later". I don't bother now and I actually get told off (how childish does that sound) for not bothering which I just don't understand... she used to make me feel like I was some kind of weird sex pest - I'm not kidding.We even had this thing where she'd point out if us having sex was down to me having pulled a 'move' on her. Honestly, does it really matter?
I get no time with my daughter alone. I work hard and am very successful in my career. It's my thing and I'm proud of it and also, I want to improve my opportunities in life and that takes hard work. I still am there for my daughter though but I just get no time alone with her. I wanted to take her shopping so my wife could take a rest, have a coffee or something and relax given she's pregnant. The question I got instead was 'do you not want me to come with you?' I have to admit though, the last few weeks I've been working longer to stay away from my wife.
This is probably a good time to mention that when I hit rock bottom earlier this year, I ended up having an affair with a colleague, I was so so lonely and hadn't had sex in so long. Ok, crappy thing to do, I know, but I was honest with my wife, felt truly terrible and wanted to work on it. I know some of her behavior will now be down to this but it's always been like this anyway.
She's so possessive now it's unreal. I have to check in all the time. I can understand that but thinking about it, I always had to before the affair. I used to get texts that read 'I love you' at the end and if I dared forget to put 'I love you' at the end too I'd get questioned. I now remember to kiss her if I leave the house even for 5 minutes to nip to the corner shop as I get pulled up for that too. She will just walk up to me, put her arms up straight in the air like a child that wants lifting up and that's my cue to hug her. It's so belittling.
I feel so lost and lonely it's unreal. I never expected I could feel like this in a relationship.
Our impending arrival was not planned either. In the heat of the moment during the reconciliation after I'd told her I didn't love her earlier this year she got pregnant. I was so worried after the deed, I tried to speak to her about it as the timing was awful but she just refused to even think about emergency contraception. She just kept saying the dates don't add up, there's no chance. The dates added up perfectly, I knew because I worked it out, I was not surprised at all she was pregnant. Now I just feel trapped.
I'm struggling to handle it all now, my wife is constantly badgering me to hug her and kiss her when she wants me to regardless of how i feel. I snapped at her the other day - I don't normally shout but she just hovered behind me for 5 minutes without saying a word. Literally right behind me.
If I ever say anything she just cries and I'm the bad guy. I feel like she just controls me and emotionally blackmails me. I say things to people then I just think 'where did that come from, that's not me?'. I feel if I left everyone would think I'm crazy and support her because she's so wonderful and perfect to everyone.
I really am starting to think maybe I'm crazy and maybe I'm just a horrible husband. After all, I had an affair.
If you've made it this far through my ramblings I'm thankful. I'd really appreciate your thoughts.