When you have more than one child, as a parent it is important to recognize the fact that it is never okay to compare children, even if you think you are tactful at it. When you have children you are going to have problems like sibling rivalry, fighting, and jealousy, so do not fuel these problems on accident or purpose.
Believe it or not, you may subconsciously be fueling unhealthy sibling rivalry if you ever say things like, "How come you don't get good grades in school? Your brother never has trouble getting A's in math." You may be saying it almost rhetorically, like how can you produce two children that are so different, but to a child it is like a slap in the face. As a parent, if you want your children to have good relationships, and if you want to have good relationships with your child, then you need to never compare them with each other.
Each and every child is an individual with their own set of unique qualities and attributes. They all have their own set of challenges, or strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes etc. Two children from the same parents will rarely have all the same interests. They may both like one thing, and hate another, but there are going to be several things one likes or excels at that the other does not. So, because they are individuals, if you compare them it is unfair. This is like comparing apples to oranges.
Do not compare the children with each other - each one is a unique individual, with his own strengths and weaknesses. If you compare them, then the children will strengthen their own comparisons, and dislike whatever seems to be unfair in those comparisons. It is a sad truth, and you have to recognize that the things others see wrong in us, we see as 100 times worse. So, do not cause your child to see bad in themselves because of comparisons. Instead, praise a child based on his own activities and actions - not how he compares with a sibling, or anyone else for that matter.
Even if you mean to say good things, for example, you might say, "Megan is pretty, and Amy is smart." But all Megan hears is she is not smart, and all Amy hears is she is not pretty. You have to keep compliments and complaints separate. This is something to be said for keeping your children separate in your sentences, and in keeping compliments individual as well.
Help child form their own identity. If you do not compare your children you will aid them in having better confidence, and help them be stronger individuals because they will be able to form their own identity, not base their identity on how they compare to someone else.
Help your child see your love for them is not based on comparisons but personal attributes. You do this by spending time with just them, but telling them how important they are to you, and not doing it in context with their siblings. It is okay to talk about the differences in your children but not in front of them, at least not until they have a strong confidence in their own identity, in their own attributes, and know that you are not saying something bad about them by saying something good about someone else.
Children are special beings that need encouragement and love, so watch how you say things, and be careful not to make comparisons of your children.
