Last year my own marriage almost ended. Badly. It was awful.
I don’t know if I ‘ve ever told you about last year, but my word for
the year was “Breakthrough!”
That seemed simple and exciting enough. I had been limiting my
success in certain areas and was ready for a breakthrough.
Whatever it might take, I was ready for it, or so I thought.
Several months into the year, I realized what I was feeling was not
a breakthrough, it was a break DOWN. My marriage was collapsing.
I could NOT understand what went wrong. How could Paul and I, who
have loved eachother for decades, suddenly NOT seem to remember the
good times? How could we seem to only create strife? We were
fighting alot, crying alot, and growing more and more distant.
I was mad.
I was mad at Paul, and I was mad at myself – not for my part in
these marriage problems, but for ever choosing to help others in
their marriage. Just trying to think of stuff to say was so
painful.
Then, come to think of it, I was mad at everyone who had ever told
me, “You should go more public with your love and sex message.”
You might wonder how I could keep talking sex & marriage when my
own sexy marriage was suffering. That was partly because it forced
me to continue looking into what makes a marriage great, and I knew
eventually my life would line up if I didn’t quit.
Ultimately, Paul and I got serious about getting over our issues
and we started going to a marriage counselor. Honestly, the therapist
was awful. His heart was in the right place, and he had been doing
this for 30 years supposedly, but for us it was a terrible fit and
an exhausting 8 sessions. I’ll tell you about it sometime.
However, somehow we did get to the root of a few things. I saw
where Paul’s resentment towards me had grown so strong.
I made a change.
I put my family before all my business, and I made my number one
priority strengthening my FAITH.
From that place I was able to hear from God and receive a genuinely
miraculous transformation in my heart, my marriage and my family.
What did I realize through this ordeal? this year from hell?
I discovered that the root of our problems was none of the classic
stuff that marriage books talk about. It wasn’t about a lack of
love and respect or our love languages, or having passion or
knowing how to be an alpha male or a seductive gal. It wasn’t about
Venus and Mars or the pillars that make marriage work, or anything
else on my mile-high pile of marriage books.
It wasn’t even about sex, although sexual intimacy was definitely
part of the healing.
Nope.
I was stunned to realize that at the root of all our problems was
an overwhelming spirit of scarcity in both of us.
What is a spirit of scarcity? It’s a mindset, an awareness and all
encompassing energy that says “there’s not enough!”
Scarcity looks around and sees:
-not enough money
-not enough time
-not enough resources
Scarcity looks in the mirror and sees:
-not pretty enough
-not good enough
-not talented enough
-not important enough
from that world view, Scarcity looks at it’s partner and says:
-YOU’RE not handsome enough
-You’re not good enough
-You’re not kind enough
-You’re not productive enough
This sickening, lying scarcity coursed through our home like a
phantom evil.
My husband would yell in frustration, “Everything around here is
falling apart! The cars are falling apart. The house is falling
apart, and the money is going to dry up!” (I must have heard this a
hundred times)
I realized there was no amount of money that would make us feel
abundant. We had plenty. This was an inside job.
We truly live in a beautiful house in a beautiful neighborhood and
we’ve raised fabulous kids. We all enjoy incredibly good health.
But soon, all we could see was problems, and all we could feel was
anger.
This is scarcity and a poverty mindset.
Scarcity. Lies. Fear. Anger. Resentment. Talk of divorce. This grew
worse and worse.
Something had to change.
What was the answer?
It’s kind of a long story, so I will reveal it to you on a
teleseminar.
I’m calling it “Miracle Sex and Fearless Abundance!”
I’ll tell you a little more next week, because this post is
getting too wordy!