The horrific tragedy in Connecticut is devastating and completely overwhelming. It seems unlikely that we will be able to shield kids from this entirely and thus need to be thoughtful and deliberate in how we talk to them about the events. The following strategies may be useful as you begin the conversation with your children:
1. Parent reaction. We need to be calm and reassuring. It is very important that we are willing to discuss the event, but we need to model a sense of trust in people, schools, officials in charge, etc. A general guideline for how much to reveal is to provide basic facts for kids about what happened, but wait for them to ask questions before “0ver-informing” them. In other words, once kids have the facts, they ask the questions they are ready to hear.
2. Control the message. I don’t think we can avoid having kids know about this, but we can certainly limit their exposure. This is especially true for news and tv images. Make sure not to have the tv on news channels on (even in the background) or to have the paper around if any of the images are visible.
3. Distance. This is a horrible tragedy, but this is something that happened far away. The people in charge are working very hard to make sure something like this can’t happen again, and the person who did this is no longer alive.
4. Security. Your school has security measures in place to prevent things like this from happening (assuming it does). This school did not lock the doors in the morning until 9.30am, and that is not the case in your school. (Specific details like this can be very reassuring.) You should always tell an adult if you feel unsure or insecure around an adult (notice someone “suspicious”), but you should also remember that most people are good. This is unbelievably horrible, and it is also unbelievably rare. There has not been an event like this before at an elementary school, this type of thing does not happen often. It has not happened before.
5. Facts not feelings. This feels terrifying, horrible, etc, but the facts are that this happened far away, the person who did it is no longer alive, and schools are still very very safe places. It is understandable that we feel upset, sad, scared, and vulnerable, but just because we feel that way does not mean that we are more unsafe than we were yesterday. It is absolutely okay to feel whatever we are experiencing, and it also important to give kids space and time to talk about their feelings, but just because we feel something does not mean we truly are more unsafe.
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