Question: I come from a large family, and I have great parents, but sometimes it is frustrating to talk to my parents, especially my mom. I do not live at home any more, and every time I call to talk to my mom, she spends the whole time telling me everything there is to know about my younger sister. I love her, but I do not want to hear about her all the time.
I want my mom to care more about what I have going on. Should I tell her how I feel?
Answer: The best way to fix what you perceive to be a problem is to tell her. However, be careful how you do it, or your mom may not want to talk to you at all. There is a good chance that when you lived at home and were involved in doing stuff, your mom probably talked to people about you the same way. So, give your mom a break. It is not that she isn't interested in your life, it is that she wants to let you know what you are missing now that you aren't at home.
The best way to go about talking to your mom is that simply take a minute at the start of your next conversation on the phone with her. Say something like, "Hey mom, I can't wait to hear about what is going on with everyone, but I would also love to have you hear about what is going on with me." That way she knows that while you want to know about everyone else, you also called her so that you could update her on your life.
If your issue is time when you talk to her, consider letting her know that you would love to hear about your sister and how she is doing, what she is up to, etc. However, today you do not have a lot of extra time, so you will have to hold off until next time.
If your mom doesn't get the hint then let her know exactly how you feel in no uncertain terms. For example, next time you call, just say, "Mom, I love my sister, but I do not want to hear about her all the time. I don't understand why you want to talk about her, and never want to know what I am doing." Most moms will realize their folly, and make changes quickly.
Lastly, you may want to consider if there is a reason she is talking about her. If your mom is trying to keep the conversation full so that you do not ask her about her life because something is going on there, she might use your sister to fill in the time, thinking it is a safe option. So, ask yourself if there is anything your mom may want to hide. If so, she may be using your sister as her way of protecting herself.
