Back in April 2011, a U.S. retailer caused a stir when it ran an ad campaign featuring a mother painting her young son's toenails pink.
The impassioned response was almost immediate: "How could you?!" rang in one set of outcries. "Bravo for defying convention!" replied others. "Nail polish is for girls!
" chimed in yet a third group.The ad highlighted a touchy subject among parents, namely gender activities and what is or isn't appropriate. To be sure, whether to embrace or eschew the familiar pink-and-blue stereotypes is a hot topic. For some parents, it's about fitting in; for others, it's about gender equality and the concern that traditional roles might be pigeonholing.
One Canadian mother and father riled critics in 2011 by going so far as to attempt a genderless upbringing, giving their child a gender-neutral name - Storm - and declining to reveal his or her sex outside of immediate family and caregivers.
No doubt, that's unadvisedly extreme. But whether or not you're comfortable with nail polish and boys specifically, activities for the youngest children - from doll carriages for a boy to toy trucks for a girl - are less about gender and more about exploration.
At this age, children are more alike than different, curious about their world and eager to investigate through games, crafts, and tactile opportunities. They want to get messy and adventurous, to be physical and curious. They're hungry to try out everything at their disposal from dolls, to trucks, to games.
Though some behaviors do indeed seem to be hard-wired - boys, says the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), are likely to be physical and active; girls more likely to be verbal and calm.
Most young children, when given the opportunity, willingly embrace toys completely outside of the gender-specific domain.Positively Exploring Gender Roles
Most experts, including the AAP, call early childhood the perfect time to experiment with all sorts of activities without restrictions by gender. Though a boy may be naturally inclined toward a physical activity, he doesn't have a natural barrier toward role paying with a stuffed toy.
Offer a variety of experiences and playthings and be open-minded about what might be considered unconventional boy/girl interests. Not only will this approach inspire experimentation and cooperative play, but it will potentially remove the stigma of typically gender-specific restrictions - boys playing with kitchen sets, girls playing super heroes.
You might also be encouraging some positive cross-gender behaviors such as assertiveness in girls and expressiveness in boys. Research shows there are long-term benefits. Men, for example, are said to live longer, healthier lives when they embrace feminine traits regarding emotion.
While there's no one-size-fits-all recipe, there are a few things you can do to at least smooth the ride:
- Don't worry: Many parents are baffled by certain affinities, such as boys and toy weapons. "My son has never seen a sword and yet he's out there having duels," says a mom. Parents can assist in this area by helping him balance his interest in weapons with activities such as crafts or dress-up play.
- Embrace the good: Societal trends like the princess culture can be troubling because they focus girls' attention on their appearance. Feed a daughter's intellect over what Peggy Orenstein, author of Cinderella Ate My Daughter, calls, "the fairest one of all" syndrome by offering activities in math and science; stoke a son's ability to say what he feels.
- Talk: Assertions like, "Girls can't be firefighters" are perfect teachable moments. Stop and ask why they think these things are true, and then search for photographs of female firefighters together.
- Encourage cooperation: Boys tend to be noisy, arguing loudly about rules. Girls are more likely to be negotiators. That can lead to playground conflicts. Encourage both sides to compromise and speak their minds when they've had enough. "My son loves to roar like a T-Rex," says a mom of a spirited three-year-old boy. "One day," she says, "a little girl looked at him as only a 2-year-old girl could and said, 'No more roar games!' I was very impressed."
Of course, eventually, gender preferences will likely catch up. School age is about the time children start gravitating toward same-sex playmates, meaning even the best attempts at long-term, gender-integrated playgroups are likely to fall apart around first grade. Don't worry: it will pass. And until then, enjoy the activity and take advantage of the opportunity to lay a solid foundation of cooperation for the future.