Take this quiz to find out whether your love life is on "snooze" or in high gear.
1. Which of the following openers most closely resembles the start of your last conversation with your spouse?
a. "You'll never believe what Johnny's teacher told me he's been doing in class."
b. "Honey, I'm a little bit concerned about the strange odor that's coming from the SUV when I go over 30 miles per hour."
c. "To continue the discussion we were having about Marxist influence on French films of the 1950s, I did have another thought."
d. "I've been thinking a lot about what you said about your father's workaholism and the influence it's had on your view of your career."
2. Just how often do you and your spouse discuss subjects that have nothing to do with your kids, car, or house?
a. Once a week, as long as there isn't an emergency involving one of the kids.
b. Two to three times a week, but it's usually about something related to work.
c. At least once a day, before we go to sleep.
d. Several times a day. We can't help it.
3. Married couples that I've talked to say that the average amount of time they spend making love is 11 minutes. This:
a. Makes me jealous. Eleven whole minutes?
b. Sounds just about right. I would say 11 or 12 minutes.
c. Seems rather low. We usually break 20 minutes, at least.
d. Is that possible? Eleven minutes? The last time we took less than 30 minutes, we were on an airplane.
4. The purpose served by sexual activity in my marriage is:
a. To satisfy my spouse-so that I can sleep at night.
b. To satisfy both of us-so that I can sleep at night.
c. To satisfy both of us-so that I can sleep at night and feel emotionally connected to my spouse the next day.
d. Purpose? Who needs a purpose when you love someone as much as I love my partner? I can't keep my hands off my sweetie!
5. You've just had a fabulous/horrible/amazing experience. Who's the first person you share this with?
a. My best friend, Gail.
b. My mother. She'd kill me if I called anyone else!
c. My family at dinner. They'd want to know.
d. My husband. Right away.
6. How often do you wake up and find the children sleeping at the foot or side of your bed?
a. Every other night. They have nightmares.
b. Once a week or so. We bought the little one a nightlight, and now she brings it into our room.
c. Once every few months and only during thunderstorms.
d. Never. When they started to do that, we would walk them back to their rooms every night.
7. Vacation means:
a. Disney World with all the kids.
b. Historical sights with the older kids. The younger ones stay with Grandma.
c. The beach with the kids. But we bring a babysitter so we get at least two nights as a couple.
d. A once-a-year trip for the family. Twice a year we make it to a bed-and-breakfast or some other getaway just for us.
8. What makes you laugh?
a. When the kids do something amusing.
b. When we watch a funny movie with the kids.
c. When we watch a grown-up movie without the kids.
d. My spouse makes me laugh. That's why we got married!
Score Yourself
To score:
For every A answer, give yourself 3 points.
For every B answer, give yourself 2 points.
For every C answer, give yourself 1 point.
For every D answer, give yourself no points.
Add up your points, for the total.
If you scored:
18 to 24 points: Take an emergency kid-free vacation this month. Rediscover who you are as an individual and, more important, who you are as a couple. Call an absolute moratorium on kid talk while you're away. Sleep until 11 a.m. and drink mimosas in the morning. Talk about the things that really matter to you as human beings, not as parents. If you can't swing a vacation right now, send the kids to Grandma's and make each other breakfast in bed -- then stay in bed all day. The time and money you spend now healing your marriage will save your kids hours of therapy later on, when they have to figure out why they don't believe in love.
12 to 17 points: Date your spouse. You probably love each other very much, but you've strayed from the path of a healthy marriage. You think you're doing the right thing by dedicating all your time and energy to your kids. You're actually doing them a disservice. Go to a romantic French bistro this weekend. Get dressed as if this were a second date. Find out what your spouse's most precious childhood memory is, what he or she hopes to achieve in the next 10 years. Rediscover the person behind the parent.
6 to 11 points: Keep on kissing. You're on the right track. The love and appreciation of your spouse are there, but at times you lose sight of the romance. Keeping the flame alive in your relationship takes a bit of effort, but it's worth it. So concentrate on the little things: Send a love note, fill the bed with roses, have a candlelight dinner, wear something silky underneath. Remember, the little things count as much -- if not more -- than the big ones.
0 to 5 points: Congratulations. You've revealed your marriage to be one filled with love and romance. May you pass along the ability to love from one generation to the next. May your children learn to love and teach their future partners to do the same. You're off to a great start!
